5 years ago....

September 22, 2005

It is a day that is etched in my memory for better or for worse.

It is the day we arrived in Mexico. After 2 weeks in a truck with our life packed in the back of it, we made it across the border to a foreign country and a new life. Yowzers, was I 'green'.

Sometimes it seems a lifetime ago, other days....not so long ago. Familiar feeling isn't it?

We arrived thinking we were there to fill a particular role and be there for a certain time. That thought process lasted about 6 months then we realized things were not exactly as formerly perceived. God allowed us to be part of something bigger, more complicated. Then we moved on...several times - and now we're back in the US. This is NOT where I expected to be five years ago. Heck, it's not where I expected to be 4 months ago. In some sense it seems a giant step backwards yet, I know that everything is preparation for something...if I will let it be.

I will admit to having struggled a bit the last month or so (okay, so 3 months...whatever) in being here....now. I've felt it's all backwards and somehow I missed the correct exit off the highway. Yet, as I look over the last few months I see God's hand in placing us here.

There are pieces of enjoyment and excitement over having reliable utilities, smooth roads, and availability of basically whatever I feel like. I can speak the language without thinking too hard (although I do have to catch myself that I speak in English some days), I have resources for my children, family close, and I can DRIVE here. :)

Even still, I feel a niggling of something at the back of my mind or heart.

There is a scene from the Lord of the Ring Trilogy that haunts me a bit. It's in the 3rd movie 'The Return of the King' and Frodo is wandering through his house after the journey he went on and says this line...."How do you pick up the threads of a former life?"......

Egads. I know I'm short, but geez - that one hits a bit close to home. Maybe I'm more hobbit than I realize. We've seen outside the shire to the bigger world. We've fought certain battles and traveled dark and rugged roads. Seen some pretty evil things and had to stand close enough to get my eyebrows singed. Met new people, gained some understanding and a whole lot of empathy and gratitude for God's merciful hand.

I am glad for the chance we've had to look beyond our own corners but with that opportunity comes some sense of 'not belonging'. Just another peeling of the layers of self that God needs to remove to bring me closer to realizing this world is not my home. So don't mind me if I seem distracted. The last 5 years has not left me the same...thank goodness right?

I'll sign off with this last bit - I read this the other day and it resonated with me like nothing else has for a while. I guess, for today, I can sum up the lessons I've learned with this statement.

"Make God your permanent residence. Everything else is just temporary"

Is it ever.

Faith